No BBQ Sauce on Your Chicken, Fatty!

Sometimes it just isn't the right time to be judgy. I remember once I was at my friends 2oth birthday dinner. This friend had always been a little chubby, and was currently on yet another diet. We were invited to her parents house for a bbq. As we sat down to the table her mom said, in front of all 8 of us, "No bbq sauce for you Susan. Remember, you're on a diet." Awkward!! Was that really the time for that?! I think not.
I was reminded of this incident today at a birthday lunch. This time it was work related instead of family, but unacceptable just the same. Next time you're at a social event try to keep these things in mind. For example, don't ask the guy that just had a baby if he has found a job yet. If he has he will surely tell you. I'm sure you can think of some other examples. There's plenty of time to judge, you can let some things go.

Judge Yourself

Often we judge ourselves too harshly, but that's no reason to stop doing it. Reflective thought or introspection are both nice ways of saying judge yourself and your behavior. This is how you change and grow. It's ok to recognize something about yourself or your life that you would like to change or improve. Same thing goes for admitting when you're wrong and being able to apologize when it's deserved.
This is certainly not to encourage being a door mat or to get down on yourself. Think of it this way, have you ever seen a person and, in a state of panic, asked do I look that; fat, old, bad in red, etc.? That's you taking the time to confirm you aren't doing exactly what you don't like on others. If you never stop and think about things you could be that woman that has the exact same hairdo she had 30 years ago.
Another example of this type of behavior is the person that re-writes history. I live in down town Portland next to an affluent high school. The kids are super annoying and they think they are SO cool. I can acknowledge that I was just as annoying at that age. I'm embarrassed, but it's true just the same. We see it all the time as we, and our peer group, get older. Someone gets dumped at the alter, 3 years later the story is it was a mutual decision. How awkward for the rest of us.
Admitting when you're wrong is not an easy thing to do. However, if you can never admit it people will probably tire of you. Can you really have a close friend that's never ever wrong? Who needs that?

Rude Awakening

Sunday morning I was rudely woken up by the fighting next door. After an hour or so of yelling she locked him out in the hall. Apparently he didn't have any of his things so he sat in the hall knocking and asking her to open the door for at least another hour. Later in the afternoon he returned for round two. I was trying to enjoy one of the last sunny days in Portland by sitting on my balcony reading when the peace and quiet was interrupted by the annoying couple fighting again. Massive eye roll! They screamed and carried on for at least two more hours. At one point the girl screamed "why did you even come over?!" and he screamed back "because I'm trying to make this work!" It was all I could do not to scream back "Why?! Cut your losses & run!!!"
There are two lessons here. First, some people enjoy drama. And second, enough was revealed during the screaming to make me think they both suck and perhaps do deserve each other. Don't be one of those people that deserves shitty treatment, or people will take that in to consideration.

Is It Elven?

Have you seen The Lord of the Rings? When Arwin chooses a mortal life for Aragorn, that's called Elven Love. It's a fair assessment of a fictitious love that makes you choose between eternal life and death. This is like being in love massive. Go ahead, roll your eyes it's ok, you should be amused.
In real life, of course, that type of love sounds preposterous to another adult. Teens think everything is a huge deal, but after the age of 30 people get a lot more realistic. I know this woman that is 39 and in love with a married man. One of the excuses she uses is that they have a love like he's never known. This guy has been married THREE times!!! She actually says things like "I know him better than he knows himself." This is what she tells him when he won't admit he likes her. Massive eye roll!! Since this is an Elven love, as far as she's concerned, she couldn't possible give up on this even after 8 years.
This type of immature behavior is so awkward for the other adults that are subjected to it. I just can't tolerate that type of thing. I also hate the the couples that are so in love that they couldn't possible take a break from pawing at each other. That is SO gross! And rude too, I might add. Next time you see a couple acting gross in public, remember, everyone else is judging them too!!!

Growing Pains

As a family grows in numbers there is bound to be some issues. Reports say when a couple has a child satisfaction plummets. The same is true as those children grow and bring new members in to the family. It turns out that not only can you not pick your family, you can't pick who they pick to join the family.
Another life lesson I just learned the hard way is that you should keep your opinions to yourself. If someone wants to date a psycho hose beast, then perhaps that's exactly what they deserve. Instead of assuming they deserve better, just accept that you do. You can't control other people, but you can control how often and where you interact with those icky people. Bottom line, screw them and their bad choices! Watch your own back and do what's best for you!

Corporate Chaos

I always judged the parent company at my last job. I would smugly say things like "They're such a big corporation in New York, they've probably never even been to Portland." Well, that may have been true, but I was wrong about them in a lot of ways.
We were purchased by a local company whose focus would become us. It was supposed to be wonderful. We were going to put the fun back in things and place importance on support staff. It just didn't work out that way.
If I didn't know that the top execs had their own money invested I would be seriously suspicious that they were trying to tank for a tax write off!! I am shocked by how little the top decision makers know about who does what! It surprises me most when they devalue the people that put money on the books. How could it have gotten worse?!!!
Large corporations have at least one thing going for them, structure. They have a policy in place for every conceivable issue. There's no going off the cuff. Of course, that can be a bad thing. I used to think it was. Inflexible, full of red tape. However, fair to everyone!!!! Well, at least everyone gets screwed the same! And predictably so I might add!

Stay Right Except to Pass!

What ever happened to staying to the right unless you were passing? Both on foot and on the road people are just parking their fat asses where ever they like and going as slow as possible. Do they see me trying to get past? Is this their way of making us all fat and lazy? I'm a sloth so you should be too. Or are they so self absorbed that they don't even see us? Common courtesy is a thing of the past. Get off your phone, put down your big gulp and get the hell out of the way!

Parents Listen Up!

I was recently in a group situation with a couple I find completely repulsive. They bring to mind the in laws in the movie 16 Candles. You remember the Ricechecks, right? I was actually dreading this event because of them. However, upon arriving I was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone else was judging them too! I had thought it was just me because previously I had only been with them around their few closest friends. I was so relieved!
There are two things to take away from this experience: First, other people will recognize the same things you find unacceptable. It's not just you. And second, parents please I'm begging you, do not let your child think his obnoxious behavior is cute!!!! It is not cute and everyone you know will judge you for allowing it. Of this I can promise you. And parents, also be aware, people are judging you based on your kids behavior for the rest of your life!! Parent wisely!

Pooping Yogurt? Has It Really Come To This?

I can't be the only one rolling their eyes when Jamie Lee comes on with her pooping yogurt. Is this really a product America needs? And now they have pooping dessert yogurt, you know, for when you're constipated but crave a little sweet. Massive eye roll!! How about having a salad every now and again? Or a high fiber cereal. Is pooping yogurt what you want to be eating at your desk when your boss comes by? Or anyone for that matter!! Rest assured they'll be judging! I know I would be.